I came into the office at my usual hour to see Handy Dandy Man from the warehouse and an accomplice painting the wall behind the reception desk. I decided to get some coffee and just come back when they finished in half an hour, as they promised.
By the time I came back up front they were almost finished and my co-receptionist (whom I will refer to as Sparkles) had arrived as well. I mentioned that I didn't think the paint matched the carpet (it doesn't). We began discussing our own preferences.
E : It doesn't match the carpet.
Handy Dandy Man: What color would you pick? Pink?
E : No, Sparkles would pick pink or purple. I would pick lime green and black.
Sparkles: That's because I'm a happy person!
E : What about lime green is not happy?
Sparkles: The black part.
E : That's for contrast. Color blocking. Color blocking is a fashion term. That means I know about fashion. Besides, I'm not unhappy, I'm just filled with rage.
And it's true (not the part about knowing fashion, that's a complete lie). For the most part I'm a very happy person. I smile a lot, I'm easily entertained, I laugh so much. The only problem is the contrast - it's as easy for me to rage out as it is for me to laugh. I could be laughing and joking with Sparkles one minute and then I answer a phone call, talk to a horrible customer and end up writing a blog raging about how people won't just leave a voicemail!
This is especially highlighted by my attitude when I'm driving.
I sing and bop along to music when I drive, grinning at pedestrians and waving at pelicans, just enjoying life in general. Suddenly someone does something stupid, that may not even affect me directly, and I'm cussing up a storm, screaming about how I want them to DIE FROM CANCER! Then the song changes to Lady Gaga and I start singing and bopping again.
This probably has something to do with anger and joy being the only two emotions that I can understand and manage. Any other emotion makes me uncomfortable so my brain has rerouted whatever else I may feel to one of those - or I just shut down completely. Afterall, as a robot there is only so much my circuits can handle.
So that's how you can be happy and still filled with rage. <3