I don't always think before I speak. Sometimes, even when I do think before I speak, I say horrible things without even intending to. What I consider to be impartial truth can really hurt peoples feelings.
Here's a bit of back and forth I had with a guy from OkCupid. I am not editing any spelling, just throwing in some commentary.
John: hi i'm john. I live in vista as well. currently attending school as a psych major. don't meet your reqs. but write back if interested. bye.
The "reqs" he was talking about were the requirements in a partner that I had put on my profile. Stuff like: local only, must be 21+, must not live with parents, must be employed, must be able to spell/type properly. After he sent me this message I checked his profile and indeed, he didn't meet any of my requirements. I remember he also spent a great deal of his profile bemoaning about how "boring" he is cause he never goes out or does anything other than daydream. He was probably trying to come across as artistic, but it didn't work.
E : Are you a masochist?
I think that's a worthy inquiry. I really couldn't figure out why he was messaging me to begin with.
John: as a psych major i don't tend to the more depressing illnesses which plague people. that i find disappointing. its unfortunate. but in asking me if I am a masochist, i would respond no; i would not think of myself as one to derive pleasure from pain. : / perhaps my interest in creative types extends too far beyond what is feasible in a relationship for someone like me. that i shall one day learn...
hmm... perhaps i should be more honest...maybe your accusation of my being a masochist is not unfounded. as a picture of a woman with snake around her and dark hair is both mysterious and interesting, offering the glimpse into a woman who is both interesting yet possibly emotionally disturbed. don't take it personally, im just replying to your accusation. such interests perhaps are not meant to last anyways.
oh. and i don't mean to say you're emotionally disturbed! sry.
I secretly love it when people "talk" like this. Especially when the proper use of a shift key is never executed. They think using words like "perhaps" shows that they have an extensive vocabulary and obviously are very Merlin-like in their wisdom. It's delicious. My favorite part is when he uses a semicolon, but rarely an apostrophe.
E : You draw that conclusion from the idea that my love for snakes is based in morbidity, which isn't necessarily unfounded until you read my profile and see that I have great love for all animals. I don't consider myself mysterious because I am very open and honest. As far as whether or not I'm interesting I can't really be the judge of that because to me, I'm completely normal.
Seriously, I think I'm pretty normal. It's only when other people look at me like I'm a crazy person does it register in my mind that something might be off.
As far as emotionally disturbed there's nothing to base that sort of assumption on, so it comes across as though you're trying to sound deep, understanding and knowledgeable which makes me laugh. :)
Pertaining to my "accusation" that you seemed to take so personally (which wasn't an accusation, it was an honest question) I simply asked because we very obviously have little to nothing in common and have very conflicting personalities which is easy to glean from profiles and answered questions. You obviously knew this as you stated it in your first message to me, but therein lies the hint of masochism... you messaged me anyway. Which means you're either really desperate (which is unattractive) or you like being rejected/abused because it gives you that little bit of extra to make you seem interesting and you cling to it desperately so you don't feel quite so boring (which you mention several times in your profile).
Oh. And I didn't mean to say you were desperate! Sorry.
As you can see, one of my favorite parts about his last message was the disclaimer, which I joyfully mimicked in my response.
To be honest, I wasn't really mad or annoyed at this point. I was so very amused at the prospect of a person like this actually existing in the world. I also didn't realize how mean I was being. I had to come back later and a friend pointed out exactly which parts were "too harsh". Even then, if I could do it again I would probably write the same message.
John: Well at least you got the definition of masochism correct.
Our conclusions as to why I am a masochist are completely different!!! lol
At this point I couldn't tell if he genuinely thought he was attempting condescension or if he actually thought he was being funny. I went with the former, because it was so much more fun to respond to.
E : I made no comment on "why" you're a masochist, I simply explained my reasoning as to what made me ask if you were a masochist. These constant misunderstandings and assumptions have made me not only question your choice of a major, but also your grasp of the English language.
Good luck on your quest to find the right person for you. I am not her by a long shot. Boring is not my style.
P.S. Masochism is not a "depressing illness". According to dictionary.com
"1. Psychiatry . the condition in which sexual gratification depends on suffering, physical pain, and humiliation. "
It has nothing to do with depression or illness, it's simply an alternative preference. You aught to watch how judgmental you are if you actually plan on dealing with patients. You should also know what something actually is before condemning it.
That's when he stopped talking to me.
I stumbled across his profile later and saw that he had changed his major from Psych to Liberal Arts. There was a little piece of me that was proud to have impacted someone's life so much. I prevent myself from feeling bad by remembering how horrible he was at psychology, I saved him from a life of failure by being brutally honest (mean).
Right?
-E
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