Thursday, May 12, 2011

Cowboys Don't Wear Them

There are a few things in this world that really get me mad. Just by existing. Every time I encounter one of these things it sets me off on a little rant (this happens in my head and out if there is someone nearby to listen).

Chatspeak is one of those things. I hate it in emails, over IM, on forums, via text message... there's just no good excuse to ever substitute "u" for "you". If your Y button stops working then don't talk to me until you fix it.

It's also really difficult to read. There have been many instances when I've had to ask other people to translate what some person is saying. It's incredibly frustrating since, seemingly, the entire purpose of chatspeak is to simplify the English language, not commit unspeakable (literally) horrors to it's very functionality!

Communication is important!

Another one of these things seems to be gaining in popularity. Skinny. Freaking. Jeans.

About 50% of the population insists on wearing these monstrosities and they are flattering for about 1%. These percentages are 100% accurate and are drawn from my head in the midst of a mental rant.

The problem with Skinny jeans is that you have to have narrow hips and thin, long legs in order to look good in them. Most girls don't have that, considering we're supposed to have wider hips than shoulders. Most guys don't have that unless they're prepubescent and haven't developed thigh muscles yet. Fat people especially do not fit in this category (for crying out loud, it's in the name! "Skinny" jeans) and usually what we end up seeing is a Dr. Eggerman lookalike rolling about.

Sometimes, and this is entirely baffling, I find that in order to fit ankles into these types of jeans, whoever is wearing it has to get a couple sizes larger in the waist which means someone is wearing baggy skinny jeans that accentuate the largeness of the rump area and make the calves look super bulky.

So unless you're a supermodel, don't wear them. If you're a guy, don't wear them either - unless you're some hipster type and then you're pretty much doomed to look like you suffer from lack of grooming and ill fitted anyway.


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