The Plan: Family Stickers

I cannot stand those dumb stickers that people put on the back of their cars. You know, the ones where you have a sticker that represents Mommy, Daddy, Timmy, Jane and even the little dog Spot.



These are usually seen on minivans or SUV's driven by mom and probably the only people in the family who care about it are mothers and young impressionable children. Everyone else in the family just shuts up and lets this type of person have her project.

That might be sexist, but I'm allowed to because I'm a woman. That's just how the world works.

Now, my disdain for this type of broadcasting goes beyond the concept of "NO ONE CARES ABOUT YOUR FAMILY" rage that has taken hold of fellow family sticker haters. I get that we live in a tech age where micro blogs like Twitter give people that idea that everyone in the world is enamored with every mundane bit of information that is vomited from the brain. It really comes as no surprise that eventually something like this would end up on cars in public. I mean, bumper stickers have been around forever, it was only a matter of time before this happened.

I always felt the difference between bumper stickers and Twitter is that bumper stickers have a political point or something funny and worth seeing (ideally) whereas Twitter is a bunch of "I had a ham sandwich just now!" and "Why does no one comment on my Twits?" (Hint: The answer to that question is the former example). Unfortunately now with these particular stickers everyone wants to share the same stupid, useless information.

Like I said though - I get that. My problem is from a safety perspective.

Sure the average person doesn't give two hoots about your kids. That doesn't mean no one is interested. Think about it, do you want potential criminals to know that you're a single mom with no dog? Do you want all the pedophiles in the area to know that you have three small children? Even worse is when the names and/or ages of everyone is below their sticker! "Hello Dorothy age 6, your mother Mary told me to pick you up and take you home today. Your dog Spike got lost and she's busy trying to find him" BAM - kidnapping.

So with all that in mind here's what I'm going to do.

I'm going to put a sticker of me on the car. Brandishing a bazooka. Then, I'm going to fill up the rest of my back window with as many different cat stickers as I can and each of THEM will also have different types of guns. What kind of person would kidnap me, or even break into my house? People will either think I'm insane or they'll think I have a thousand armed cats. It's better than any other home security system. Other than an actual shotgun of course.

-E